How to Manage Overwhelm
I am inspired by many of my clients who frequently battle with overwhelm and find the resilience to keep going.
Here are some tips to help if you are struggling and do not know where to start. I use these steps myself when feeling overloaded. They are a great form of support to move us from a place where we feel stuck and overwhelmed to a place of peace and clarity. Somewhere we can see the figurative sunshine and recognise how amazing we are. The steps are: -
Take a break and walk away, for as long as you need
Wild Write – write with abandon and freely – note down everything that is bringing stress to you
Use techniques like Paul Gilbert's Emotional Systems to help regulate
Talk to someone
Set boundaries
(If listening is your preferred way to consume information, please click here for my podcast episode on this topic.)
Take a Break and Walk Away
Image by Jan Huber on Unsplash
When feeling overwhelmed the first, and arguably most important, thing to do is to move away what you're doing. Step away from it and take a break, truthfully asking yourself, will anything change or drastically go wrong if you move away for at least the next half an hour to an hour? It’s likely nothing will change, and yet, making that physical move will have dramatic impact (and change) on how you are feeling. My favourite go to, is to go for a walk - the chemicals we naturally produce from walking in nature are a sure-fire way to lift our spirits. You can also use some mindful exercises such as 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: where you focus on five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell and one things you can taste. It is a great way to ground yourself in the moment and simply breathe. The key here is to do whatever works best for you, so you can take a mindful moment and focus on the here and now.
Also, be kind to yourself. Recognise how much you've achieved so far which has got you to where you are now. Consider how far you have come, how much you have grown in comparison to where you were two years ago, a year ago, or even three months ago.
Write Down all of Your Stresses
Once you've taken a break, I would then recommend finding a different place to work - an inspiring spot or area that's not work related. A space to be creative, allowing yourself to just be free with your thoughts so you can really think about what's going on. Take some time to reflect and perhaps wild write (free writing with no filter) for about five minutes or however long you would like. Write down whatever comes to your mind, whatever is happening for you and creating the overwhelm.
Paul Gilbert's Emotional Systems
Paul Gilbert’s Emotional Systems, (Mindful Compassion, 2009, co-authored with Choden) is a great way to look at where you are spending most of your time - what emotions are driving you? The system is broken up into three areas: The Threat System, The Drive System, and The Soothing System. Take time to draw out the three circles, labelling each of them and adding what’s going on for you in each of the systems.
The Threat System - cortisol. Pay attention and look at the triggers which create a threat responsive in you, driving that overwhelm. It can be anything, large or small: fear, anxiety, anger or jealousy. What is it that's driving the threat system? What's creating the overwhelm? It might be having to have small talk with people you don’t know or missing your bus / train. Perhaps it’s a health issue or it might be linked to a financial situation. Whatever it is for you, whatever the threat it, no matter how big or small, write it down.
The Drive system - dopamine. These are things that get us excited or give us pleasure and energise us. It could be a holiday or an achievement. It could be going out with friends to dinner or to the movies or moving house. The things that drive us.
The Soothing System - serotonin. What is it that helps you relax creates a soothing environment for you - that helps you chill out? There's no threat or drive in this part. What is it that just helps you be? Is it reading or a walk in nature? Perhaps it is hugging those your love or meditating.
Once you have all three circles drawn, pay attention to the size of the circles and what's going on within them. Which is overflowing and which is being neglected? Do you need to improve the balance? What do you need to do to turn up or turn down any area to help with your overwhelm. What coping mechanisms and methods do you need to bring in to reduce and relieve the feeling stressed? For example, when I feel overwhelmed or I can see it approaching (my symptoms: foggy mind, irritation, lack of patience, lack of creativity), I will step away and do something I love: perhaps I’ll go for a walk, go to the gym, maybe I’ll read or I’ll get a massage. I might walk away for a few hours, depending on how my mind feels, or a may leave it for a day. The sure reality is, that when I come back to it, I will have a clearer and happier disposition and things get resolved much quicker.
Talk to Someone
I would then encourage you to talk to someone. Community and sharing is so important - people want to help. Reach out to someone that you trust and you feel comfortable with, to have a chat about what's going on. You may find you already feel lighter from writing and / or using the emotional systems. However, if things still feel figuratively ‘heavy’, speak to someone about it. Speak it out loud to minimise the control is has over you.
Set Boundaries
Finally, I would highly recommend setting some healthy boundaries. Hopefully you have looked at your emotional systems while reading this blog, so you are aware of where you might be overloaded. Ask yourself, what boundaries do you need to put in place to stop or minimise that from happening again? Perhaps it’s a time boundary where you only work between certain hours. Perhaps it’s sacred alone time, or blocked time for exercise or a walk. Whatever it needs to be for you, put those boundaries in place. You are the expert of you, no-one else and YOU matter!
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